I know I put too much emphasis on pain and fear and hate. So now I plan on changing that and getting ready for a new article about good things and good advice.
A friend of mine once told me that the best way to beat people was to not let them get to you. And I have thought about that advice ever since. Now, I get what they meant. They didn’t mean block every person out and never let them in. They meant to block the people who would cause you pain out so that you don’t have to suffer through that. And they were right, in a sense. While you cant always just block out the world, you can turn yourself away from those people and close your eyes and in a sense forget that those people exist. You can make the world seem however you want to yourself.
Yesterday was the first time in a long time I have had someone stand up for me, even a little bit. By now, I have learned not to expect it. I have figured out the social code of middle school enough to see that people don’t really stand up for people like me. I am expected to stay in the shadows and the darkness and the corners. I am expected to be almost invisible against the backdrop of the world. So when I try not to be invisible, when I try to take even just half a toe out of my shadows and darkness and into the world, it never works. Every time I try people bat me away. But not yesterday. Yesterday, finally, someone decided that I DIDNT deserve what I am given at school. And I was extremely, extremely grateful to them. And that was when I figured out how very different it becomes when there is another person standing shoulder to shoulder with you, when you aren’t fighting this alone.