Nature

Nature.  When I step out of my door or open my window and just feel the soft, cool air and listen to the birds or dogs, it is complete and absolute peace.  Some days I will just sit in my yard and close my eyes and let myself dream.   I’ll let the cool spring breeze wash over me, let the birds and dogs soothe my fear and stress and pain.  Some days I will just let everything leave me as I lie there.  Some days I will let nothing go, for the pain and fear has control.  But those days are rare.  Most days I can just close my eyes and loose myself in the nature, in the purity and the simple, joyful freedoms we have as being people who are alive in this world.  When I go for a walk on a trail with my Mom or my Dad, though, it just feels…different.   I can’t lose myself when there are people who want me to talk and joke and be “normal.”  Because even after everything even with how bad it gets they still want that.  They still want me to be their normal, happy daughter and when I can’t be it hurts because it feels like I have let them down by not being what they want.   I spend more time angry at myself for not being who they want for not being able to do what they want and for being what I am and not being able to give them at least one normal kid then I do at myself for anything else.

That is maybe why I like animals so much, too.  They have the right to judge but they don’t.  Animals are pure, simple kindness.  Animals are the ones who will reach out to you and the ones who will help you.  Animals are the ones who will be there for you when you need them.  Humans never are.  Humans never end up being there when I need them.  Humans never end up wanting or liking who I am.  Animals don’t see the difference between me and the normal kid and the guy in a wheelchair.  To them we are all the same.  So maybe we should take that and learn from them.  Maybe we should see the way they so easily tell us that everyone is the same.  Maybe we should see the way they so gently show us not only to accept everyone, but to LOVE.  They show us so much that I know we humans need to learn but we don’t stop long enough to listen to what they are trying to say.

.  But when I am out there, in the world of nature and seeing that despite everything we will live.  We will be ok because we still have the rivers to show us how fast life goes.  We still have the birds to make us stop and look at the little things that we don’t always bother to see.  We still have the animals to show us to fight against boundaries to live and to thrive in a world that doesn’t always want them.  We have the sun to show us that though nothing will last forever, there is always light even in the smallest, darkest places. We still have the wind to kiss us with its breath and teach us how we can have wildness, and yet still be calm.  And, lastly and most importantly, we have the wild, to show us the simplest forms of peace and love that the world can ever have and how to loose ourselves, even the bad things, into its arms and be in peace with everything while we can.

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