Silence

Silence is usually seen as a dark, scary, painful thing.  But it isn’t.  Not to me.  To me, the pureness and simplicity of silence is so eternally valuable.  Because silence will and always has told me at least so more than words.  Think about it like this.  I live in a world with so much too much sound.  Every noise, every little sound, messes with my head and keeps me from being able to focus on anything.  So I um…When I get up in the morning I just lie there for a minute and listen, just listen, to the silence around me because I know it might well be the only silence I will hear all day.  And then um….its over.  At school…people don’t really seem to understand the concept of silence.  They…they talk just to talk and they tap their fingers and hands just to get under peoples skin.  And I…I let them do it.  I let them get under my skin because I CANT not listen to them I…I CANT ignore them because my brain fixates on that, that little noise, and locks up and wont allow me to do anything besides focus on that.  It’s…frustrating to say the least.  But not as bad as silence in its cruelest, darkest form.  When people use silence, when they CHOOSE to use silence to harm others….silence goes from something so incredibly beautiful to agony.  I’ve…I’ve had this used against me so many times.  It was my birthday a few days ago.  And um…not one person at my school bothered to say happy birthday.  Not one of them cared…it hurt.   But then today…one of my friend bothered to bring me cookies.  Yeah, it was late…and I was the happiest person alive because SOMEONE cared and SOMEONE bothered.  Yeah, the rest of my day was bad.  But I’ve been the happiest person alive for this one day.  Because I didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect anyone to remember.  Or to care.  So that made my day.  And whoever decided people with ASD cant have friends needs to come to schools and watch.  Yeah, its hard.  Yeah, I have like one friend.  But that’s not none.  And that doesn’t mean someday I wont have many more.  So don’t judge an entire group of people based on a 40-year-old stereotype.  Please.  Because that doesn’t help us.   It hurts us.

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