The end of a year

I am finally out of school for this year.  All I could think.  Finally.  It’s not been the easiest school year for me to say the least.  I should be ecstatic.  I know that.  But I’m not.  Now don’t get me wrong I am happy.  But the high school I’m going to will be my third school ever, and I…as stupid as this sounds I am going to miss this place.  I suffered so much in these walls.  I was broken in these walls.  But I know myself.  I grew in these walls.  I learned so much for myself in these walls.  And it hasn’t been all bad.  There are people here who have helped me.  There are people who have supported me and who have taught me.  So I can’t be happy to leave.  I can’t be happy to be free of this place.  And I can’t be angry.  Not at this building, and not at the people in it.  I can’t look at the people who have been cruel and mean and just bad and hate them.  And I know it is weird and whatever.  But I can’t. And I have something to say to all of them.  I forgive you.  All of you.  I hold no grudges for what you made me endure and I hold no pain for what I have suffered.  I just hope those people can learn that to be cruel to me or anyone else is pain.  And as little as the action might be, it hurts us.  You don’t have to care about me.  You don’t have to understand me (Even I don’t sometimes).  But you don’t have to be cruel either.  And I know some of what you do could be traced back to me.  I know I am not exactly normal or not exactly easy to understand or whatever.  And in some tiny way I probably cause some of this for myself.  But I don’t deserve it.  Because no one does.  Not even you guys, not even the people who are rude and mean and have hurt me.  And thank you.  Because of you I can hold my head up.  Because of you I have learned to truly be able to speak. Thank you. And thank you friends who have shielded me. Who have guided me who have let me lean on them who have let me learn to trust. Thank you.

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