People

I have discovered a new thing that annoys me (Almost) more than sympathy or pity: when people say oh,at least it isn’t that bad…That frustrates me to no end because it minimizes the struggles of people by comparing them to the struggles of others.  You wouldn’t tell a person with cancer oh at least its only cancer so why do people tell people with non-physical illnesses oh, at least it isn’t blank.  That makes it seem like whatever struggle or whatever fight the person is facing is insignificant or unimportant to others in the world in comparison to someone with cancer or a chronic disease.  In a way, some mental illnesses are like chronic diseases.  Things like autism or dyslexia, they never go away.  They are always going to be there, the individuals with them just learn to alter their behavior to make them less significant, like a person with a chronic illness altering their medication.

A friend of mine showed me this analogy a few days ago.  She said that something like anxiety or depression or whatever is like blowing air into a balloon.  Everything is fine as long as the balloon is being filled but, if and when the balloon pops, everything really just falls apart.  Even if its the littlest thing that makes it pop, it turns into a full on catastrophe because of the force behind it.  My mom gets mad at me for getting upset over “little things.”  What she doesn’t understand is those little things can be enough to push my head from manageable to full on anxiety and meltdown.  Her getting mad at that “little thing” can be all it takes some days to pop the balloon but because she cant see that balloon being filled, all she sees is the thing that, in her eyes, shouldn’t be significant enough to cause my head to freak out like it does.  That ends up making everyone involved frustrated.

I am sitting here listening to people talk about my brother.  And I cant stop myself from crying.  I cant make my hand stop shaking.  Why do people have to talk about him like this.  Why do they have to be being so just plain mean about him.  It HURTS.  I’ve given up trying to make them stop talking about him.  I’ve tried but they don’t listen.  God it hurts so much how they can be so downright cruel about him or about anyone really.

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