The future

A few days ago, I went to this butterfly terrarium thing.  It was pretty awesome (butterflies are the most calming creatures alive I think).  Anyway, after that, my mom and I went to the little cafe thing.  And I wanted to order ice cream because ice cream is awesome.  And I gritted my teeth.  And I walked over to the counter.  And I couldn’t speak.  So I walked back to the menu (repeat four to five times).  And every time I walked back to the counter.  And five times later I finally managed to order my ice cream.  And my voice shook, my hands shook.  Every single inch of me hurt from it.  It was pure panic.  And all I wanted to do was order an ice cream cone.  And that got me thinking (unfortunately) today.  Because I am so frightened, what if I can’t go to college in three years.  What if I can’t live on my own what if I can’t have the life that I want.  I want to speak about people like me.  I want to go to college, major in English, and become a writer.  I want to be a journalist or a novelist.  I’m not positive yet, not even close.  But I want to be able to have a life.  THAT is what I want so badly.  And it’s pretty impossible for me to imagine that right now.  Because right now I can barely order an ice cream cone.  So how am I supposed to live on my own.  How am I supposed to survive college.  I am rather terrified.  Very terrified honestly.  I have this burning desire to give a talk in front of my grade about autistic people.  I can not figure out how.  I cant.  And I want to so bad it hurts.  I am not asking nor hoping for anything but a chance.  All I want society to give me is a chance.

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One thought on “The future

  1. I just started reading your blog, but I just wanted to say thank-you for sharing. I feel like hearing what you have to say will help me to be a better and more understanding person. Don’t give up on your dreams – I can definitely see a writing career in your future!

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