A few days ago, I went to this butterfly terrarium thing. It was pretty awesome (butterflies are the most calming creatures alive I think). Anyway, after that, my mom and I went to the little cafe thing. And I wanted to order ice cream because ice cream is awesome. And I gritted my teeth. And I walked over to the counter. And I couldn’t speak. So I walked back to the menu (repeat four to five times). And every time I walked back to the counter. And five times later I finally managed to order my ice cream. And my voice shook, my hands shook. Every single inch of me hurt from it. It was pure panic. And all I wanted to do was order an ice cream cone. And that got me thinking (unfortunately) today. Because I am so frightened, what if I can’t go to college in three years. What if I can’t live on my own what if I can’t have the life that I want. I want to speak about people like me. I want to go to college, major in English, and become a writer. I want to be a journalist or a novelist. I’m not positive yet, not even close. But I want to be able to have a life. THAT is what I want so badly. And it’s pretty impossible for me to imagine that right now. Because right now I can barely order an ice cream cone. So how am I supposed to live on my own. How am I supposed to survive college. I am rather terrified. Very terrified honestly. I have this burning desire to give a talk in front of my grade about autistic people. I can not figure out how. I cant. And I want to so bad it hurts. I am not asking nor hoping for anything but a chance. All I want society to give me is a chance.